Sunday, April 10, 2011
So its Sunday again and here I am...... At home while my sweet husband has taken those sweet kids to church again. He is amazing!!!! When they all pile into the car to go to church and in one second, chaos has turned to absolute silence..... ..that is when I hit bottom. This wave of depression hits me and guilt instantly takes over. Why am I here?? Why am I not at church?? Why is my husband having to pull soooo much more than his fair share? Why do my kids have to make their own breakfast? Get themselves ready and help their little brother too? Then, I am the one crying.....instead of my kids, or for heaven's sakes..... Greg. That man is a rock. I cry because I think... Steph, get a hold of yourself... lots of people go to church when they are sick. Just suck it up and get ready and go! Pick yourself off of the floor (literally) and do something good with yourself! But then a sweet peace comes. A peace that can only come from a loving Heavenly Father, who, .... knows just how I am feeling. And helps me to know that for now, I am doing all that I can do. He helps me to humorously remember all I did do this morning to just help a little bit and how much I had to lay down to avoid any hittings of my head. haha. And, that bringing this sweet baby here, is the best thing that I can be doing. Wow. I am so overwhelmed with gratitude. I truly learned, and re-learned something today. I was reminded of a scripture I have always loved but was able to really appreciate today! Its in Matthew 11:30 v. 30 For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light. and in Mosiah 24: 14 in the Book of Mormon: V. 14: And I will also ease the burdens which are put upon your shoulders, that even you cannot feel them upon your backs, even while you are in bondage; and this will I do that ye may stand as witnesses for me hereafter, and that ye may know of a surety that I, the lord God, do visit my people in their afflictions. I am so blessed, I get to have another baby, I am already blessed with 3 other amazing ones! I have a husband who is strong, has this amazing sense of humor and who has always seen the bright side of things. The only burden in any part of this for me is that I have to watch the people I love most make sacrifices I don't want them to have to make for ME. And the guilt that comes with that. But as promised, He makes our "burdens" feel light. So here I am feeling guilty, for not doing more and His spirit comes, to bring me more comfort and peace, to make this "burden" seem... light. If I do my part, He will help me to know, just how much I SHOULD "DO" so that I have an equal balance of keeping baby and me healthy, and "doing" enough so that I know I am "doing" my best! And in the process, making this "burden" light. Being a mother, and becoming a mother, truly will help me become a better person if I let it teach me what I am supposed to learn!! This, assuredly, being one of them. Sweet Tender Mercies. They just seem to keep pouring in!
Posted by Steph Ingram at 11:58 AM