Its my computer's fault!!!!!

So I am obviously sooo very behind on my blogging. I could blame it on my computer, which... no offense computer, but it is mostly your fault!!! But, there is no reason why I cant get on here and blog about all of the good/ the bad/ and the ugly... but mostly wonderful things that are happening around here lately. I wanted to post a lot of pictures of my kids and adventures but my computer says it is "full". Full of what? Of pictures. I have been trying to work on some family memory books but I started 3 books at once and now it is grumpy and wont let me open my blurb program to work on the books and i cant upload any more pictures onto my computer because it keeps saying that it is full. Grrrr. We have tried everything we know how to do, so now... I have just been sitting, waiting. (well laying, waiting).

That seems to be the theme as of late. Lay and wait. Yuck. I know, I know, I need to lay down for baby and take it easy, I am mostly ok with that part. But I have also been "laying and waiting" on other things that I dont need to be. It seems to me that I have been pretty lazy in other areas in my life and letting, actually forcing, time to go by. I need to stop that!!!! hahahahaha. I will probably look back on this last bed-rested-ness and think, "Dang it, why didn't I do that when I was just laying around all day?". Especially when this little one is out and i will be running around again with my little crew and wondering how in the world I am supposed to get everything done!?!!

We always want what we cant have. haha.

So I am wondering?? What should I do right now, to prepare me for what is coming.... in like 5-7 weeks? Yikes?! I feel like I have been blindly counting down the days to "get this part over with", but I have not been "preparing myself" for what is actually coming!!!!

I am not talking about the physically demanding part of being ready. Heaven knows I wont be ready for that after the atrophy of what is now my body. You know, the kind of preparing that it takes to emotionally/spirtitually/mentally handle jumping back in there again. I will go from listening to the clock tick ever so slowly to running full speed with my 4 kids and I really, really REALLY want to be enjoying it!

I want to soak in those little moments that I feel like I have been missing out on! But if I am not careful, I am just going to be a stressed out, yelling "monster mommy" who isn't taking the time to just love and enjoy that newborn baby smell, or the sweet little faces those newborns make when they are sleeping, or taking hundreds of pictures of my big kids loving the new one that we have all worked so hard to get here.

Thankfully after about a month I will have running on my side again... well... haha, walk/jog/panting is more like what it will be..... but still, the whole moving around and getting endorphins from that will help.

Anybody and anyone: Give me specifics! If you had one month to really prepare yourself for the RE-ONSET of motherhood... what would you do???? I have an amazing opportunity here. It is the calm before the storm, I know it is going to be crazy! What books should I try to read? What should I try to organize (bad question, haha, everything!!!) What should I "do" with my big, little ones to help them be prepared and excited for her to get here?

Any tips you have will be great. As moms I know we all have in the back of our minds a list of "If i only had a little more time I would _______________ to help me be a better mom!" Granted I need to do most of it from my couch but still......... I want those lists! :)

Sweet Tender Mercies.

So its Sunday again and here I am...... At home while my sweet husband has taken those sweet kids to church again. He is amazing!!!! When they all pile into the car to go to church and in one second, chaos has turned to absolute silence..... ..that is when I hit bottom. This wave of depression hits me and guilt instantly takes over. Why am I here?? Why am I not at church?? Why is my husband having to pull soooo much more than his fair share? Why do my kids have to make their own breakfast? Get themselves ready and help their little brother too? Then, I am the one crying.....instead of my kids, or for heaven's sakes..... Greg. That man is a rock. I cry because I think... Steph, get a hold of yourself... lots of people go to church when they are sick. Just suck it up and get ready and go! Pick yourself off of the floor (literally) and do something good with yourself! But then a sweet peace comes. A peace that can only come from a loving Heavenly Father, who, .... knows just how I am feeling. And helps me to know that for now, I am doing all that I can do. He helps me to humorously remember all I did do this morning to just help a little bit and how much I had to lay down to avoid any hittings of my head. haha. And, that bringing this sweet baby here, is the best thing that I can be doing. Wow. I am so overwhelmed with gratitude. I truly learned, and re-learned something today. I was reminded of a scripture I have always loved but was able to really appreciate today! Its in Matthew 11:30 v. 30 For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light. and in Mosiah 24: 14 in the Book of Mormon: V. 14: And I will also ease the burdens which are put upon your shoulders, that even you cannot feel them upon your backs, even while you are in bondage; and this will I do that ye may stand as witnesses for me hereafter, and that ye may know of a surety that I, the lord God, do visit my people in their afflictions. I am so blessed, I get to have another baby, I am already blessed with 3 other amazing ones! I have a husband who is strong, has this amazing sense of humor and who has always seen the bright side of things. The only burden in any part of this for me is that I have to watch the people I love most make sacrifices I don't want them to have to make for ME. And the guilt that comes with that. But as promised, He makes our "burdens" feel light. So here I am feeling guilty, for not doing more and His spirit comes, to bring me more comfort and peace, to make this "burden" seem... light. If I do my part, He will help me to know, just how much I SHOULD "DO" so that I have an equal balance of keeping baby and me healthy, and "doing" enough so that I know I am "doing" my best! And in the process, making this "burden" light. Being a mother, and becoming a mother, truly will help me become a better person if I let it teach me what I am supposed to learn!! This, assuredly, being one of them. Sweet Tender Mercies. They just seem to keep pouring in!