Hi, my name is Stephanie and I am an antisocial chic.
Now, why is it that an antisocial person would have the audacity to openly share such information on a blog?
That is a good question.
I have a few theories on my personal craziness:
1. admitting something sometimes helps you move beyond an issue.... not always though.
2. admitting something sometimes helps solidify and justify a certain way you behave... good or bad.
3. hmm. thats all I've got right now.
I have the small inclination that I just might need to change my antisocial ways. Not completley mind you, because that just might be catastrophic to my soul. But the inspiration is there none the less.
The inspiration is Grant. Yes it has taken my 3rd child, and 4th pregnancy-induced-permission-to -be-antisocialness.........to make me see that although I may be just fine moving through life, all protected and emotionally safe and very comfortable in my own little reality.... I may need to be... (gulp) social-ish to help him... them survive.
He is literally screaming to leave the house and play. In the morning when everyone is rushing around to get ready for school/work... he is madly running around trying to find his little shoes and coat so that he can be ready too. Breaks my heart!
Today, I did something crazy.......... I went to the gym. Why? Because I knew that he could play and that other little kids would be in there for him to have some interaction with... and because I knew that for an antisocial person I could "easily" go..... and walk on a treadmill (???) and possible lay down on a public couch (???) and take a shower (?) and give little buddy some time to play.
It was a success. I did all 3 of the things listed above plus a trip to the bathroom of course. He had so much fun! hahaha. When we drove into the garage he wasn't screaming the way he has been lately. Interesting. Its almost like............ the need for interacting with other human beings is a basic level need to survive. hhhhmmmmmm. shocking.
While I was there a really sweet mom invited me to a playgroup where Grant could play and I could.... socialize with other moms. I broke out into a cold sweat panic and lied through my teethy smile that,"That sounds really fun, we would both love that! If I am feeling ok I will try and make it." I am a strange, strange chic. I am ok with that but really...?? In my brain I think I am better off on a treadmill in my little "condition" then sitting on a chair surrounded by other moms.... strange. Dont get me wrong! I admire other mothers to no end, I watch and try to learn from all of their wonderfulness.... but to "socialize"...... its like my brain tries to click backwards to find a way out, my body freezes, and my spirit says that I should move forward. strange. haha.
Hmmm, what should I do with this new-found, "dang-it, I always knew I was weird and was ok with it but I probably need to change to help my children be a little healthier than I am....." ? Follow me? hahahahahahaha.
Perhaps...(gulp) its time for me to stretch out my chalk-lined boundaries I have set for myself a few inches. 3 inches to be exact.
Maybe I should go to the playgroup tomorrow at 9:30am. (gulp)
Perhaps I shall just stretch out my chalk line an inch.... just one.
Awareness..... it truly is the great motivator.... there is kind of no going back. Especially when improving one's self is for your chidren's sake.
dang it!!!
4 comments:
I'm so proud of you :)
If you're feeling up to it- you should try to go to the playgroup. You never know who you'll meet. I know that the Lord puts people in our paths for a reason and it's always an adventure to find out who and why. Miss you!
ahhhhhhh!!! I can't get enough of you these days!! you crack me up and I am loving your posts! I am so grateful to be included in your little chalk boundaries and I want other people to have the joy of knowing Stephanie Ingram and her kookiness! :)
That's good that you're getting out a little more -- not just for Grant, but for YOU! (: I wish you were closer so you could extend your line to me (; You are so cute; no one would ever really guess that you're antisocial either. You're just too bubbly! (:
I love this post! However, I know that you are not completely antisocial. Unless this is recent behavior because you miss me :)You should be a writer. Seriously, you have a way of captivating the audience with your writing. Put "become an author" on your to do list. Good luck at the playgroup. Did you find out what the little peanut is yet?
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