a few reasons why:
*I dyed my hair yesterday, hate it......... its black. No there is not a picture... and there wont be one....so dont ask.
*I tried to have a good attitude about it because I knew that the people who loved me most would still think I am beautiful.
*Tay said,"Mommy its hideous."
*Halle said,"You look different Mommy, its kind of purple."
*Greg hates it and I quote, "needs more time to get use to it". :(
*****Grant hasn't skipped a beat and has still given me a hundred kisses this morning with his oatmeal/chocolate chip pancakes face. I have gladly taken them. :)
*I am in a rut, can't/wont get out of it.
* I miss the MOUNTAINS!!!!, the fresh smell of rain there, the sense of peace i get when I look at them and feel small compared to Gods power, spending time in them, feeling like they are the only sense of "home" I have after 17 years of moving to different places.
*I hate missing out on wonderful things happening in my family because we live so far away. My Bridget getting married, Megan getting home, Josh getting home, Matt and Janet's new baby, Danny's baptism, Mackenzie's b-day.....etc. etc. etc. etc.
*I'm having trouble focusing right now on what it is that I am supposed to do as a stay at home mommy.
*my dryer is broken, my purpose for being a stay at home mommy has died, staying up on laundry was my purpose I think.... hmm, didn't do that before it died.
* My baby and I were just eating jelly bellies for lunch (you can judge, I already am!) and i just fed him a "banana" flavored one and actually felt good about it for a second... then I cried.
*Said baby is still walking up and giving me kisses saying "thank you" for the "banana" and is dancing and wearing a bucket on his head!
*Motherhood requires sacrifice! Some sacrifices I dont want to make!!!!
*My running- seriously deprived of some good endorphines right now.
*My energy- really no matter what I say, fainting is not fun and then coming to, and cleaning up my own throw up on the carpet, is not "rewarding". (eeeww, sorry)
*My time- bachelors degree?, wanna finish, gonna finish, when am I going to do that?
Steph!! What else do you want to be doing though???????????
The answers are quite obvious:
Getting kisses from the cute and dirty baby, helping Tay with her Math, reading with my Halle, getting another little one who will probably love me just as unconditionally as they all do when Mommy monster comes out.
And being loved by a man who although may not like my hair, still overlooks the fact that the house is a mess, dinner is an emergency situation most of the time, my budgeting and organizing skills seriously need an overhaul and I hold him accountable for my emotions when....really!!? Was he supposed to know that he needed to like me with black hair yesterday!!!!!!!!!!!?????
Greg Ingram, I love you!!! Thank you for being the man you are!
I'm in a good mood. Because who wouldn't be? I am truly blessed.....black hair and all.
10 comments:
You're amazing <3
I love you and you are beautiful. There is a quote I love: "A conviction that you are a daughter of God gives you a feeling of comfort. A woman can and must have an identity and feel useful, valued, and needed. She must feel that she can so something for someone else that no one else ever born can do." ~James E Faust. You are an amazing mom and are so loved. Remember to keep breathing and take things a moment at a time. You can do it!
best. post. ever.
i love love love you! you are the greatest mom and best friend/sister! miss you and your black hair! and Tay is just remembering a lesson i taught her in sunbeams, "please you be honest" (remember that?! I do!)
thanks for this post too because i feel like this too sometimes!
If it helps I feel like this most the time! I am in a rut as well! I am sad that I am missing out on your life! I have stopped comparing my mothering skil to your's because you are such an amazing mom! I wish I could see you with black hair! I am sad that you won't be at all these fun events, but your sacrifice will pay off for that little person! Cody is 1 today and wow it was a scary time when he was sooooo early! Take it easy on yourself, drink some coke and go get some fries from your favorite fast food joint! It ALWAYS helped me! Love you!
Stumbled across your blog today somehow and was reminded that I think you are awesome! And I wish I could be your neighbor or something so we could hang out all the time. I think you're cool! (and congrats on your new baby!)
So, I love how you 'Dear Abby' your way through this whole process. You're probably too young to know she was a newspaper columnist who helped everyone solve their problems, but you just therapied yourself right into a grateful, happy mood. Love your ability to do that AND make the rest of us giggle through it :)
Steph! I love you so much. You're never going to be able to convince anyone that you're a bad mom. So, stop trying (:
Love you!!!
I love how you tell it like it is and don't try to pretend like you have it all together, because none of us does. If I could be with you, I'd clean up your vomit for you. THAT'S how much I love you! Keep your chin up, sis. We wish we could be with you just as much as you want to be with us!
You are amazing and I miss you. I LOVED this post. :)
Friend for life... I love that you keep it real. Seriously, being a mom has it's good and bad days and it's not always a fairy tale so we should we pretend that it is all the time??? I miss you. I long for you to come back to the mountains as well. When do you find out what you're having?
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